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Some Of The Hard Stuff

I love my friends. I love that we have the hard conversations and don't have to sugarcoat what we feel. With that in mind I wanted to share some of the things I've shared with my friends in the last couple of days regarding Kevin Hart's cheating situation. Infidelity is one of those hard subjects, and while so many people say it's cut and dry (if he/she cheats it's a deal breaker) that's not always the case. So... here are a few of my takeaways. Not all of my thoughts, but a few:

1) I think it's sad that we live in a society that celebrates the fact that the ex side piece turned wife has been cheated on. Whatever his wife is, however she came to be that, she is his wife now. Period. Maybe the way their relationship began is less than ideal (and trust--I have a certain, deeeeep distaste for the woman that accepts being a mistress, because of how I view marriage), but like it or not they're married. No wife deserves to be cheated on. None. Ever. For any reason. The end.

2) The idea that "he has money" or "she should have known what she was getting into" is laughable and just ridiculous. Money doesn't excuse bad behavior. And while past behavior is definitely indicative of future behavior people do change. Not one of us knows what promises a husband or wife makes behind closed doors. So judgement isn't ours to make.

3) My personal belief is that cheating is so very wrong. It destroys families, lives, trust, and many relationships. It eats away at the person who was cheated on by having them question their self esteem, self worth, purpose, physical appearance, and ability to love in a way that words cannot describe. Infidelity is something that so many more people experience than are willing to admit, but the frequency at which it occurs does not negate its wrongfulness.

4) We don't get to decide the outcome of this situation. I don't care if you're the biggest Kevin Hart fan on the planet--YOU don't get to decide. I know people who have been cheated on and chose to stay in the relationship and grapple with their decision often. I know people who have been cheated on and chose to stay in the relationship and the relationship--and trust levels--soar to limits unknown because the two people involved were committed to making things work. Finally, I know people who have been cheated on and chose to leave the relationship. None of these choices are wrong. They were individual choices that those people were allowed to make. I just don't believe this being a more public affair should make having a choice any less available.

"Well, it wasn't his first time...." and sometimes in this type of situation it's not the first or (unfortunately) the last. But it quite frankly is what it is. My prayers go out to both the husband and wife in this situation. If any of my girls called me to say they'd been cheated on would I tell them to leave the marriage? Probably not. Because it's not my choice to make. But I'd be there with my all black outfit and hair pulled back ready to roll out and bust somebody up with them...#kiddingnotkiddng.

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